You're completely useless in the revolution.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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