You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
