i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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