Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
