There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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