the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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