I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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