You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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