so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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