I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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