I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
