its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
