There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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