Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
