he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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