i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
