btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize