my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
