btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
