she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
