Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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