No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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