i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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