maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
