no, he came in my armpit
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
