its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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