absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
