he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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