if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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