i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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