trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
