Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
