great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
