Yo dont text me then not text me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
