I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
