YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
