i just wanna soil my oats bro
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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