I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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