she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize