WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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