You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
