You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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