you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
