I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
