it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
