He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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