in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
