thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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