So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
