I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"