Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
