So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
