chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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