I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ttyl tear gas
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
