My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
