I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
