I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
