im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
