Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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