Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
