my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
