I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
