I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sext me about skeletons
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize