We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
