fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize