sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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