How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
