Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
