Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
