That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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