guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
