so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
