I need help removing her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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