Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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