I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
