And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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