i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
