my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
