I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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